Mom this is an open letter to you.
It dawned on me the other day, that by the time you realized that this was all bullshit it was too let. You stayed too long and the piece of trash you call husband cut you off from any of your girlfriends. Jack told you (your words) "That I'm not allowed to divorce your father". Something about being god's will. Jack lied to you. I know you know this. I know you hate my father. That's OK. You have good reason to. But because of what Jack said and did to our family, what you let Jack, Dad, and Lev do to our family, I can never speak to you again. Not for me but for my babies. I know you love me. Apart of me still loves you. But you lied to me about who you are. You're not a strong woman. Your moral compass is isn't stronger than your fear of people knowing your dirty secrets.
I don't know what I would do if my kids grew up and told me they couldn't love me anymore for fear I might damage my grandchildren as I damaged them. I think I would cry, beg, plead not to loss my babies. They have taught me about life, love, anger, breathing (lots of breathing), humor, and humility. So if they told me stay away... I think I might died inside.
Mom you are a lair. You can try to say that it wasn't only your fault that our childhood was so messed up, but Dad has severe mental problems and you were the only one who could make decisions. You can't argue this. He talks to himself all the time when he thinks no one can hear him. He doesn't just talk to himself, he has whole conversations. AND he has done this for as long as I can remember.
You were the only one capable of calling the shots in that house. But you let him make the decision. So we were beaten, my sister and I were raped, Lev was raped(by Jack?). Our childhoods made of ash. It's hard to build a life on a foundation of ash, but I did it. And I have to say, with no thanks to you. That breaks my heart more than I have words for.
Mom you broke my heart.
Who turned out the lights
P- I love you. I am super proud to call you my friend. You have made an amazing life out of ash. A life that people with "normal" parents, or childhood experiences, or cult-less existences cannot always achieve. And you made it from ash. That is amazing. You are amazing. I love the honesty of this letter. I hope she reads it.
ReplyDeleteAnd if you are reading this:
I hope you cry yourself to sleep every night over your inability to protect your kids. You took all the parental responsibility away from your self. You took their triumph over leaving you on their own and said it was your idea, like you were a puppet master controlling their strings. You know this is untrue, and you know what it did to impugn their characters and elevate yours. That is wrong. And you know it.
Stop trying to control and fix other people.
Use your incredible talents and fix your own damn self.
No one else needs your help more than you do!
Thank you.
DeletePnina, you are amazing!
DeleteFrom what little I have read about you, I know you are strong. You are Intelligent. You are kind and loving. And you have a great support form FF (who really cares and understands better than most). . . . and is also strong. Hang in there girl.
thank you rapture. that is very kind of you to say.
DeleteP, you are brilliant. We have not been close in years, but I am inspired by your intelligence and tenacity. Thanks for sharing so much information and doing such a great job shedding light on the truth (or lack of it).
ReplyDelete?
ReplyDeleteyou have a question?
DeleteWhen I first read Fuzzyheads comment I did not understand... (or lack of it) from that person, that's all.
ReplyDeleteI quess now that I read it again, I can see it is written in a way to mean ... lack of real truth in the llfe in the cult. RfM
I have a few question? What do the people in this Cult now believe in, since the 80's? What was taught to you guys in your years growing up in the Cult? What kept and keeps it together? Are you taught to be Jews following the laws and keeping the Sabbath, etc? RfM
ReplyDeleteIf you want to call it Judaism you go right ahead. We were taught a bastard version of it. Read everywhere else on this blog or the others to get your answers. Educate yourself.
ReplyDeleteThis is very touchy for the people who are planning to make thing right. luton parking meet and greet
ReplyDeleteNo one can describe his/her feelings about the love of a mother. luton car parking
ReplyDelete