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Wednesday, March 7, 2012
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Hi Mom
Mom this is an open letter to you.
It dawned on me the other day, that by the time you realized that this was all bullshit it was too let. You stayed too long and the piece of trash you call husband cut you off from any of your girlfriends. Jack told you (your words) "That I'm not allowed to divorce your father". Something about being god's will. Jack lied to you. I know you know this. I know you hate my father. That's OK. You have good reason to. But because of what Jack said and did to our family, what you let Jack, Dad, and Lev do to our family, I can never speak to you again. Not for me but for my babies. I know you love me. Apart of me still loves you. But you lied to me about who you are. You're not a strong woman. Your moral compass is isn't stronger than your fear of people knowing your dirty secrets.
I don't know what I would do if my kids grew up and told me they couldn't love me anymore for fear I might damage my grandchildren as I damaged them. I think I would cry, beg, plead not to loss my babies. They have taught me about life, love, anger, breathing (lots of breathing), humor, and humility. So if they told me stay away... I think I might died inside.
Mom you are a lair. You can try to say that it wasn't only your fault that our childhood was so messed up, but Dad has severe mental problems and you were the only one who could make decisions. You can't argue this. He talks to himself all the time when he thinks no one can hear him. He doesn't just talk to himself, he has whole conversations. AND he has done this for as long as I can remember.
You were the only one capable of calling the shots in that house. But you let him make the decision. So we were beaten, my sister and I were raped, Lev was raped(by Jack?). Our childhoods made of ash. It's hard to build a life on a foundation of ash, but I did it. And I have to say, with no thanks to you. That breaks my heart more than I have words for.
Mom you broke my heart.
It dawned on me the other day, that by the time you realized that this was all bullshit it was too let. You stayed too long and the piece of trash you call husband cut you off from any of your girlfriends. Jack told you (your words) "That I'm not allowed to divorce your father". Something about being god's will. Jack lied to you. I know you know this. I know you hate my father. That's OK. You have good reason to. But because of what Jack said and did to our family, what you let Jack, Dad, and Lev do to our family, I can never speak to you again. Not for me but for my babies. I know you love me. Apart of me still loves you. But you lied to me about who you are. You're not a strong woman. Your moral compass is isn't stronger than your fear of people knowing your dirty secrets.
I don't know what I would do if my kids grew up and told me they couldn't love me anymore for fear I might damage my grandchildren as I damaged them. I think I would cry, beg, plead not to loss my babies. They have taught me about life, love, anger, breathing (lots of breathing), humor, and humility. So if they told me stay away... I think I might died inside.
Mom you are a lair. You can try to say that it wasn't only your fault that our childhood was so messed up, but Dad has severe mental problems and you were the only one who could make decisions. You can't argue this. He talks to himself all the time when he thinks no one can hear him. He doesn't just talk to himself, he has whole conversations. AND he has done this for as long as I can remember.
You were the only one capable of calling the shots in that house. But you let him make the decision. So we were beaten, my sister and I were raped, Lev was raped(by Jack?). Our childhoods made of ash. It's hard to build a life on a foundation of ash, but I did it. And I have to say, with no thanks to you. That breaks my heart more than I have words for.
Mom you broke my heart.
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